My First Love

I love because You first love me
I live because of what You gave
You dies, showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive

You came and prove yourself so free
Your blood wash away my shame
And now I can live again
I am more of You and less of me

My First Love
Forever You will be
My First Breath
You’re the life in me
My First Joy
The world can never take from me
My covenant with You, Jesus

Your love fall down
Your love fall down
Your love fall down
Over Me

 

We are all hypocrites in our own right. Will we ever realize this?

God knows and therefore, He saves souls that realizes the hypocrisy for what it is and through their work, resurrect the beauty of our planet Earth. Just like the Heavenly Father resurrect Jesus to save mankind, the progress which Mankind has made over the last 2000 years has brought us back to a full circle – nature and Man is One.

Saturday: From west to north to west

- Attended NUS Invest’s AGM. Kevin and co handed down to Taizhi and co. From good to great – that’s will be the journey ahead.

Some decisions need to be made on the spot; its now or never. You need guts, wisdom and confidence to make the right decision. In an online world where posts can be deleted, ideal/perfect identities created, we need to learn to live in the present, in the moment. Absorbing the people, the sounds and the happenings taking place right now in a space.

- Headed for Suli’s wedding. Glad to see my JC mates once again.

- Headed to Tanglin Halt for zi char. Crayfish is not a fish. It was an awesome dinner. Squeezed in a Subaru to Serangoon Garden ulu pub. Caught South Korea and Argentina’s matches. Had 5 glasses of whisky. Decided that this is it. Enough alcohol for the week, for the month maybe!

Sunday – My journey of faith officially begins.

Received Christ. Thanks xiang for praying for me. I was right, she was the person to bring me onto my faith journey.

Had a dream. I know God wants me to share my story with Eugene. I will, when I am sure my message will have the desired impact on him. I am not just another story.

Yes, misery is self inflicted.

The world does not halt its footsteps to dwell in your sad, little world. There are bigger things happening at the same time.

Your heart is happier than before. Admit it.

Thank you God for placing you in my life.

So many whys, I wish God would reveal the answers now. But hindsight is always 20/20.

Where did I go wrong?

Oh simple things, where have you gone?

Even now, I don’t know where the tears come from.

When the heart can no longer feels, in this space, in this time, in this moment,

stay open is the advice. Countless of spirituality books will not hold the answer.

Experiencing life is the answer. The cards I am dealt really suck sometimes. Its time I fold the hand. Save the chips.

Having felt the depths of despair, hopelessness and sadness, sometimes I wonder, what does it feel like to be the happiest person on earth?

What would make you feel that level of exhilaration? What does it take to trust another soul unreservedly? By putting to rest the restless mind?

From the bottom of my heart, I believe that there is ONE soul out there to complement yours. I always believed in that. When will I find that one soul? Through trial and error? My experiences shaped me in a way that left me spiritually aware… I have always held out for the soul mate… If there is any…

I don’t know how to prove this. But I had always been drawn towards who he is. The purity of the soul. But the outer shell of his sometimes pricks the fragile soul of mine.

Am I too sensitive? Or is this part and parcel of life? The outer shell.

Its 16:29. I had just finished a presentation to our E50 company, Wee Tiong. Things simply just fall into place today very nicely. Thank you God, for looking after your children well. Blessed.

I woke up to two messages – 1) from group mate regarding discrepancies in figures of report and presentation. Her thoroughness really ensured a glossy end to our hard work – 85 pages consulting report.

2) Sometimes I wonder if I should be more wary of his intentions; for he is shrewd in his plans. But I felt really touched when he went the extra mile to assist me in evaluating a potential employee. Thank you very much, dude.

Prior to consciousness, the dream I had was something I never had before. Was a message embedded in it? The “baby” told me that I was too mechanical in hugging him/her. I have learnt to smile and appreciate the things around me. I think the next step going forward is the gift of affection; letting down the guard.

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness” The Count of Monte Cristo, Pg 117.

The Count of Monte Cristo is a novel that ranks highly on my list of favorites. Although my copy is nicely packed away, it is the first book that I would reread from that pile whenever I spring clean. =)

What’s so fascinating about the story line?

I guess the quote sums it up best. The ‘Count”s life virtually sank into dark abyss when he was wrongly sentenced to jail. He reclaimed his life and recreated a new identity when he inherited the treasure from the priest he met while in jail; a man that imparted great wisdom and life skills. I guess the down and out to emerging as life’s winner is a dream many relate to.

On a personal level, my childhood days were at best hellish. The best days of my life were days spent away from a man that is unfortunately my worldly father.   A child’s deepest fear is to be different. My days in primary school left a deep impression on protecting one’s reputation and image around people. When one’s growing up, one wants to fit in and not become a social outcast. Conversation topics typically revolved around TV programmes, dramas, singers etc. For a kid who grew up with no television, it was one of the deepest secret I fear my friends would found out about me. It is no surprise that I constantly wished for a different life; for some normalcy.

I avoided social gatherings such as CNY visits as I was afraid of inviting my friends to my home.  A father who refuse to entertain ‘friends’ who kept no friends himself. A father who insist that the world is out to get you. A father who constantly claimed that he was stalked by his enemies. Growing up, I never felt a sense of security at home. I did not know when my mum would threaten to commit suicide.

Today I have nothing but pity for a man who has failed to recognize that central to our existence is the personal bonds we maintain with one another. Choosing to lead a monk like life does not resolve anything. It is merely a form of escapism, thinking that cutting off all bonds is the right way of life.

Nevertheless, growing up in such an environment has made me realized the importance of creating a family filled with love, grace and support. I used to think that because I never grew up in such a loved environment, I don’t deserve to become another’s life partner. Because I don’t want to screw up anyone’s life with a past that used to haunt.

But I have since found peace and met a man I love. Thank you God, for everything I have today. From the bottom of my heart, I dare say, I have finally found the meaning of life and my destiny.

2010 – 2015

Result: Savings of at least 20,000 (year 1). Savings of 100,000 by year 2. Savings of 100,000 by year 3. Savings of 100,000 by year 4. Savings of 200,000 by year 5. Total wealth = 500,000. No debt.

Purpose: Building the financial freedom nest – impacting lives by the end of 2015.

Massive action plan: Save 2,000 a month in 2010. 2011 – 2015 wealth built from trading forex. Impacting lives in Southeast Asia. Youths (Most potential to contribute to society). Adults. Managing their finances effectively. Make a film. Write a script. Influencing lives beyond 3-4 days workshops. Creating communities of change; uniting minds marching with the same purpose.

God, you amaze me with your infinite depth of love. Thank you for the blessing I received today.

Now I know how it feels like to trudge through wearily in the rain, forlorn, devoid of love. And how it feels to be loved.